I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
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