The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
