I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Enjoy the penises
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
