apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
