I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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