I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
