I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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