remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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