Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
