Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
