Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
