At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
