I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
