Please, let me fuck your mom
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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