everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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