Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
