all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
