You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
