will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
