You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
