Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
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