shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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