Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
