im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
