you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
