after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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