btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
