im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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