I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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