my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
