Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
