I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
