Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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