i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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