i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
