i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
