some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Randomize
