I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
