she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
