I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
this is an emotional support booty call
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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