it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
