saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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