i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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