In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize