I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
