Do you still have your period?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My vagina just clenched in fear
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
