Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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