With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
