it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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