i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I have fence marks all over my body
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
