My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
