You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
After last night, I could never be a politician.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
