There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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