I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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