bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
