like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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