At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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