Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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