I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I love you.
Bad choice
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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