Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
