and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
