I love black thongs
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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