Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
