At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
