A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
