Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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