Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
BRING THE BAGELS
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
