i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize