3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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